Daylight
by dragonheartt
Summary: {MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH} Spirits can stay in the world of the living until they choose to move onwards. Loopholes allow them to be 'guardian angels' to loved ones among the living, though at risk to their own existences. What's worse, moving onwards, or having to watch the one you love mourn your death? Is there a way to connect, without being destroyed?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Inspired by the Maroon 5 song "daylight". Any similarities to anyone else's fics is completely unintentional (as after jotting down the idea while listening to the song, I realized it might sound similar in some ways to certain other fics, but I've done my best to avoid being too similar).

Also, I am so, so sorry for this, but he's gonna stay dead. Because the idea would not leave me alone at all.

(btw: No need to worry about 'After Time' - I'm working on the next chapter, I promise. ^^')

* * *

Connor dies in a creature attack.

x_x_x_X

It's a normal anomaly call, nothing unusual. They find the anomaly quickly, and he locks it.

They don't see any signs of an incursion, though Abby, Emily, Matt and Becker split up to search. The dire wolves are definitely unexpected, scattering the team and bringing several soldiers down. Connor unlocks the anomaly, ostensibly to let them back through… and just like last time, more wolves exit into the 21st century. He spots Abby, eyes flashing as she shoots one of the dire wolves with a burst from her EMD, but another of the large creatures blocks his view, and he finds himself without a weapon, face to face with some really sharp teeth.

There's a sudden flare of pain, and he thinks he tries to fight it off, push it away, hears Abby scream his name, the coppery scent of blood, and there's more pain —

And then there's nothing, though he's sort of aware of the feeling of floating, and darkness, a lack of sound and smell, and his thoughts are disjointed, sporadic, with huge gaps in between where he's not aware of anything at all.

x_x_x_X

He wakes up after what feels like ages and a second all at once. Connor knows he died, which makes the whole waking up thing very strange. He reaches up to touch his neck, the memory of teeth making him swallow convulsively. His hand passes through the space, and when he looks at his hand, his skin is almost completely transparent. He waits for his heart to jolt, but the lack of a beat confirms it.

However impossible - or rather, improbable - it is, Connor knows that he's… What?  
"Not a ghost… a spirit, I guess. I'm dead." Connor pauses." I'm dead, but I'm a spirit. Why'm I not freaking out?!"

He takes a step forwards, and has the bewildering sensation of moving forwards without touching the ground.

"Where am I?" It's easier to think out loud, because he can pretend he's not dead. The place… it looks familiar. The trees look just like… "The forest of Dean?" And it's night time, though he can see perfectly. Connor takes another floating step forwards, and suddenly things blur.

There's an anomaly swirling several meters away from him. Connor stares at it, unsure what will happen next.

x_x_x_X

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Connor's more permanently dead than a dodo! Sorry!

* * *

Connor feels a pull, like he's made of metal and is in the magnetic field of the anomaly. He resists it, not wanting to go through it, even if he is dead. Suddenly it shimmers, and out of it floats the equally translucent form of one Nick Cutter.

"Professor!" Connor blurts, eyes wide. Cutter smiles ruefully, and floats towards him.

"Hello Connor. I had hoped that it would be much, much longer before I'd be meeting you again." Cutter says, and Connor would love nothing more than to be able to hug his mentor right now, but he knows it's not possible.

"Sorry."

Cutter chuckles.

"It's alright. You couldn't do anything about it, Connor."

Connor shudders slightly, trying to forget the feeling of dying. He resists asking the question of Cutter.

"Cutter… What… how…" He shakes his head. "I'm dead."

Cutter nods.

"Yes."

"But I'm still - we're." He growls in frustration.

"I'm just visiting, but we're both spirits. Through that anomaly is Onward, where spirits must all go eventually. The only time you can come back after you go onwards is to guide a loved one." Cutter explains.

"But…I don't want to go 'onwards', Professor! I - I want to stay with Abby. Can I? Do you know?"

Cutter looks pensive.

"You're allowed to stick around. Stephen waited for me, he told me… And you can find your way back to this place whenever you decide to go on, but eventually you will have to."

"So I can… what, haunt my flat?" He wants to make sure Abby's okay… but he knows it'll hurt.

"You're not a ghost, you're a spirit, they're completely different." Cutter said, chuckling. "But if you are staying on… You can make yourself visible to people who are alive, and you can manipulate things around you."

"Really?"

"At a cost, Connor. Doing either of those things can potentially destroy you permanently, leaving your spirit as a poltergeist - a ghost - and shutting off your consciousness forever." That's sobering. "It's also easier to become corporeal at night. Even spirits need to 'sleep', and after the sun rises in the morning it is much, much riskier to try and affect anything at all."

"Okay." Connor swallows, steadying himself as best as spirit can, and then repeated, "Okay. Thanks, Professor - for everything." He looks at his mentor. "Onwards - is it like this? I mean, can we interact?"

"You'll have to wait and find out." Cutter says, enigmatically.

Connor was quiet for a few moments.

"I'm sorry." He said, and hoped Cutter would know what he meant.

"Connor, there's nothing to apologize for. I am incredibly proud of you."

The assurance was soothing. Connor nodded wordlessly.

"Thank you." He manages.

Somehow Connor knows Cutter's time visiting is up even before he starts to back towards the anomaly.

"Go, be with Abby."

'Bye, Professor." Connor feels tears prickle in his eyes, the first sensation since waking up as a spirit.

Cutter floats away through the anomaly, and Connor turns away, and takes a step. The world blurs, and he's floating in the middle of the lounge of his and Abby's flat.

x_x_x_X_X

Now what?

Abby doesn't need a guardian angel, she doesn't need- has never needed- protecting, least of all by him.

How had he managed to get himself killed? He'd spent a year in the cretaceous with Abby and they'd survived. Maybe the truth was, he always needed Abby way more than she ever needed him.

He doesn't know what to do, because despite wanting to be with Abby, he clearly can't. Abby does not need protecting, and there is really nothing he can do to help her without risking becoming a poltergeist.

"Whoever thought death would be so boring?" He muses out loud, before the thought crosses his mind that he doesn't know how much time has passed here.

He floats down the hall and looks for Abby. Their room is empty (and it's really cool to walk through walls!), and she's not anywhere else in the flat. A glance at the calendar tells Connor it's been 2 days since his death.

"That is well-strange." Connor mutters. It's weird to think of himself as dead. Now where is Abby? Maybe the ARC?

He wonders how to get there - how fast can he float? Is there a qiucker way? He tries concentrating on the ARC, but nothing happens… until he floats forwards a 'step' - and things blur again. He's in the ARC, but it's quiet, frighteningly so, and Connor floats through the corridors, avoiding a few straight-faces soldiers that pass by (he does not want to walk through a person!) as he heads for the Hub.

He spots Jess and Becker by the ADD, and Jess is wearing all black, Becker's arm around her shoulders.

Connor has a feeling her clothing choice isn't to match Becker's, but rather a sign of mourning. It's surreal, seeing the tears on Jess's face and her red eyes, and the look not quite hidden in Becker's, and knowing it's about him.

He needs to find Abby, though.

"Maybe…" He looks at the screens, sitting crosslegged a few inches above the desk. "There!"

One of the security cameras shows Abby in the breakroom, making tea. He floats off as quickly as he can.

He knows there's nothing he can do, but maybe she'll know he's there… he can hope.

He needs to know if she's okay, at least.

* * *

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

AN:I know, bad kitty, no killing Connor, yeah? :S I really am sorry!

Thanks for the reviews guys! And I'm glad you're willing to give this a shot ^^''

* * *

Connor knows that Abby loves him, but he's torn between hoping that she's fine, that it's something she can move on from quickly, and hoping she misses him as much as he misses her, and won't be able to get over his death. He just wants Abby to be happy… but he wishes he was still alive.

He's nearly there when he hears a crash, like something breaking, and hurries, mind in chaos.

Connor finds her standing, trembling, in front of one of the counters, turned so her hip is against the edge. Her arm is extended slightly, her hand's grip too loose to hold the mug of tea that has fallen to the floor and shattered. A piece of ceramic still spins out from the rest of the remains of the cup, before settling on its side.

Connor's chest feels tight, which is a weird feeling to have when you're dead, and he feels tears prickling his eyes again.

"I'm sorry, Abbs."

He could be wrong, maybe her dropping the cup, and her trembling on the spot, has nothing to do with his death. But he knows better, knows Abby better. He's hurt her, and Connor wants nothing more than to hug her tight and never let go.

"I am so, so sorry, love!" He says, louder, floating closer and looking at her face. Her eyes are red from crying. She can't hear him of course. If only… he knows he could, though cutter didn't explain how, but it's too dangerous, especially during the day.

Watching Abby breaking down as she stands there, Connor finds anger bubbling up when no one else comes to check on her. Surely someone heard the crash? Well, maybe they didn't. The ARC building is very big…

"Abby, Abby, Abbs." He murmurs to her. "Come on, you're strong, you'll be okay…"

Connor smiles when she takes a deep breath and rubs away the tears, composing herself. He knows she's just building walls again, but… maybe it's good. Maybe it'll help, because he doesn't want her to cry over him. Connor wants Abby to live, and be happy…

He's almost forgotten he's not alive, when she suddenly turns, and walks through his incorporeal form, leaving the break room.

"That is really strange." He mutters, then blinks, and hurries after her, slipping through the corners of walls to keep up.

x_x_x_X_X

Connor floats above where Abby stands in her lab, looking at her in concern. She had gone to the Menagerie, and had bumped - literally - into Matt. The man from the future, while a good friend, is more hopeless than Becker about emotions. Connor isn't sure what part of what Matt said set her off (but the whole thing proved how obtuse the man can be - and how he doesn't know how to respond to Abby's loss), and he isn't sure whether he'd like to congratulate her or be worried for her. She'd punched Matt in the face, before storming away, secluding herself in her lab.

"He doesn't mean it, Abbs. I know you know that. Nice right hook, by the way, love. Not that you need me to tell you that…. not like you can hear me." He says, not trying to keep the bitterness out of his tone. Maybe staying in this world was a bad idea. Maybe he should go onwards…. "No." He cuts off the train of thought firmly. "Staying feels right. Abby doesn't need my protection but I'll continue to give it to her anyway. It's me own fault I'm dead, I can't let anythin' happen to her as well." He tells himself.

Abby, while he argues with himself, is very quiet, watering the plants and jotting notes down very robotically. Connor floats down and closer, watching her face for any signs of distress.

"I'm gonna be your angel, Abbs." He swears quietly.

* * *

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

AN: My muse has been weird lately, and vanishes for long spats, so this chapter wasn't planned... it just sort of happened. *sheepish* Anyways, thanks for the reviews, guys, and nice suggestions/points! Short chappie. Fair warning, this chapter's a little angstier. Sorry?

* * *

Something occurs to Connor as his spirit drifts through their flat and he keeps an eye on Abby, who's cuddled on the sofa with Rex in her lap, staring blankly at the tele. He thinks about how it's strange that he's not upset by his own death. But then… 'not upset' isn't really how he feels. He is upset, truly, and hurt and confused and worried, but it's all so distant, disconnected, and it's a struggle for him to even think about emotions. Maybe it's part of being a spirit, and that's pretty disappointing if it's true.

He yearns to be with Abby, but can't quite feel it, and he can't cry, though earlier he'd felt tears prickling at his eyes, and felt things. But the longer he sticks around the world of the living, _apparently,_ the more his emotions fade away. And it sucks.

It's nighttime now, time passing quickly and slowly all at once, and he goes to Abby, hovers beside her. She's still staring at the muted TV, blinking once in a while. Rex nudges her gently, and Abby lets go. Her gaze drifts to watch him fly through the flat, and Connor sees the unshed tears in her eyes.

"I love you." He tells her, like that can help, like that could do anything, but it can't. Abby can't hear him.

"Oh, Rex. Daddy's not coming home, Rex." She murmurs, and that's when the dam breaks, and she's sobbing, tears flowing freely, and even his stilled heart clenches painfully, and - Connor feels something again, and his vision blurs with his own tears. He's not thinking, just feeling, acting on impulse, as he reaches out to Abby.

His hand touches her shoulder.

She jerks away with a shuddering gasp, and Connor finds her equally wide eyes are meeting his own. He can't find any words to say, wants to apologize and explain, but he finds his hold on corporeal form fading, and that's it.

"Connor?!" She finally manages to ask, shakily. He doesn't know if he can do that again, he feels like he's run a marathon. But Abby deserves more, right? He tries to find how it felt, tries to stop thinking and just feel. This time Connor can tell he's managed it right away, because he's sitting on the sofa, not floating over it, and Abby's staring at him again.

"Hey, Abbs." He says softly, not sure what to say.

Her expression turns stoney. _Probably not the best thing to say, _he muses.

"Explain." She says firmly, and her voice is rough from crying and she's trembling slightly, but even though she probably wants to hug him just as much as he wants to hug her, she's Abby and she's wary. He smiles a little.

"I found a loophole." He can imagine Cutter won't be too happy about him taking credit for that discovery, but Connor doesn't want to mention Cutter right now.

"You're dead." She's trying to keep her voice steady. He wants to apologize a million times over, and every fiber of his being wants to comfort Abby right now, and it hurts.

"I am so, so sorry, Abby." He says softly. There's a strange sort of sensation, and Connor tries to hold on for a few more moments. "I can't hold it for long…"

She looks around, looking for him, and he knows he's become incorporeal again, invisible.

Maybe going onwards would have been kinder to both of them, than this weird, twisted sort of second chance.


	5. Chapter 5

He thinks she'll try to pretend that hadn't just happened. He's exhausted, knows he won't be able to become corporeal again Abby looks around, like she expects him to have moved, and maybe she does, and then takes a steadying breath.

"A loophole, Connor?! A loophole to death. I'm having a conversation with my dead husband." Abby wasn't freaking out before, and she isn't really now, either, but it's closer. Her voice has a slightly hysterical edge to it... and he can't blame her. She also seems to be talking to herself more than him.

"Is this really happening?" Abby's looking in his direction, even though he knows she can't see him. Her beautiful blue eyes are dark with a mix of grief and confusion, her gaze and voice sharp with suspicion and pain... and yet like she's on the verge of laughter.

Connor growls with frustration when he tries and fails to become corporeal again. He wants to be able to hug the love of his life, to hold her and kiss her and apologize a million times over. He wants to at least give her an explanation of some sort, but he can't. Because he's dead.

What else can he do? Abby's waiting for a response, and he's afraid to see the hope in her eyes go out.

"What did the Professor say... Erm..." Connor finds it easier to think out loud, always has. "Can I affect things around me?" He wonders, thinking of ghost tales and of the silly television programs that his old friends had convinced him to watch. He isn't a ghost or a poltergeist, only a spirit, but he needs to do something.

Connor finds the energy to pick up a pencil and draw a heart on a piece of paper in front of Abby. They fall through his hands as he loses energy, and he has a frightening moment where his vision swims. He's dead, he shouldn't be experiencing things like that, right?

No time to dwell: Abby is staring at the page, fingers running over the drawing, not saying a word and barely blinking at all. Connor hopes he has made things better, not worse.

* * *

"To lost friends." Becker says, voice rough. Jess solemnly clinks her glass against his, Matt, Danny, Emily, Jenny, and Lester following suit, murmuring the words softly and taking a sip of their respective drinks.

"What's going to happen now?" Jess asks, and her voice is very small. Emily hugs her gently, the team looking to Lester for guidance.  
He looks lost for a moment, reminiscing, perhaps, as one of only two individuals alive who had been a part of the team from the very beginning. Then their boss becomes their boss again, the grief still there, but managed, behind his eyes. Somehow, it helps.

"What we have always done." Is all Lester says. That helps, too.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: Sorry about the long wait! Hope this chapter was worth it (I have the rest of the plot outlined now, so hopefully the muse will allow this story to run more smoothly from now on till its end!) ~_

* * *

Abby stares at the heart he'd drawn on the paper for a few long moments, before quietly picking it up, getting to her feet, and heading to their bedroom. Connor follows immediately, concerned. He floats nearby as Abby gets into bed without changing, and then watches as she puts the piece of paper under her pillow. She pulls the sheets up and half-curls towards his empty side of the bed, her hand under the pillow on top of the page.

It makes his heart ache for her.

Connor hesitates, and then decides he wants - needs - to see her face and be near her, which is why he's now floating a little above his side of their bed, facing Abby. Connor sighs as he watches her sleep.

* * *

He can't sleep, but he has a restful feeling in the morning anyway, like he's recharged after trying to interact with the living world so much the evening before. He probably has, in some way.

Connor listens as Abby checks in with Lester. For some reason she puts her mobile on speakerphone, so he hears Lester tell her to 'take as long as she needed'. He also says that Jess will be coming over later.

Abby thanks Lester and says bye, hanging up. Then she leaves the bedroom, and Connor follows.

After breakfast, which she prepared and ate robotically, Abby stands in the middle of their kitchen, seeming lost and unsure of what to do.

She has the drawing of the heart in her pocket, he saw her put it in there when she got dressed. He's probably made all of this harder for her. He'd acted selfishly, and it makes Connor feel queasy.

* * *

"Connor?"

She's been watching tele with the volume off for a while now, which was worrying him. He almost doesn't realize that she's said his name, but after a moment it connects and he turns to look at her. Connor is surprised to find her facing him, her gaze leveled approximately where his face is. And then he realizes how habitual they are: he always sits - sat - here, on this seat on the sofa, and she knows where his face would be if he was sitting here. She knows him, knows what he'd do and how he'd behave.

Abby is chewing on her bottom lip, and her body is tense.

"I... I don't know how, but you're here. You said there's a loophole. Can you... erm..." She waves her hand in his direction. Connor smiles in spite of himself. Her voice is steadier, just a little, the note of hysteria gone from her tone.

He feels okay, surely it'll be alright? He focuses on the feeling from last night, and immediately feels the sofa beneath him - and also feels startlingly dizzy.

"Daytime - can't hold this long, Abbs-" He manages to say, barely finishing her nickname before he slips and turns incorporeal again.

Apparently it was enough, even if he has a headache (and wow,  
dead guy with a headache, what?), because her eyes are wide and Abby is crying and smiling.

* * *

"So I'm going to guess that you can't really become visible and solid and move things during the day." Abby comments, smiling still. Connor scrunches up his nose and exerts a tiny bit of energy to flip the coin on the table over.

Abby nods to herself, and he has to agree that this was a good plan.

"And it doesn't take as much energy to flip the coin as it does to show yourself?"

He flips it again. That means yes. If he slides it along the tabletop without flipping it, that's a no.

Abby exhales gustily, biting at her lip again.

"Okay." She nods again, and then smiles tentatively. "I love you Connor. I didn't say that often enough."

"I know you do, and it's alright." He says, pointlessly. He flips the coin and then slides it - an agreement and a disagreement of sorts. She coughs on a chuckle.

Abby settles back against the sofa cushions, and Connor floats there, puzzled.

"What now?" Abby says quietly.

"I don't know." He replies, knowing she can't hear him.

* * *

The doorbell rings and Abby hesitates before getting up to go answer it.

Jess has a little half-smile on her face where she stands in the doorway, bearing a carrying case.

At Abby's questioning look, Jess hefts it, and explains:

"The Diictodons. You have Rex, and these two are trouble, but..." Abby takes the cage from her and pulls the younger woman into a hug.

"Thank you."

Connor wants to hug Jess, too.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Apologies for the wait, but the muse finally started working again! Short chapter unfortunately, but hopefully the next one'll be easier to write...

* * *

Jess stays for a long time, bringing Abby up-to-date on what's going on at the ARC, and recent anomalies. She tells her about a young _Proailurus lemanensis_ - an early cat-like mammal -that got stranded in the present, which the team had then brought to the Menagerie. Jess talks about how it's sort of 'bonded' with Abby's assistant Henry, but that Matt has firmly told the younger man not to go into the creature's cage unsupervised - assuring her that all precautions are being minded in her absence.

Abby steers the conversation away every time Jess tries to ask about how she's feeling, brushing her off with "I'm fine," and questions about the ARC. Jess is obviously concerned for her friend, Connor can tell by the way she keeps _asking, _but he doesn't really expect Abby to want to unload onto anyone. She'd never been entirely willing to admit how she felt about anything - even to _him._

Jess gives up pushing her after a little while, which obviously is a relief to Abby: her shoulders drop infinitesimally, and the tense lines of her body ease somewhat. Connor's spirit floats, stationary, centimeters above his seat of the sofa, watching Rex and the Diictodons playing, whilst listening to the conversation next to him. Abby's voice is steady, for the most part, but he's no less worried about her.

_Why was I so careless with my own life? _He scolds himself, _I should've... I don't know. I shouldn't have died! It's not fair._

He shudders once more at the memory of his death, fighting away the remembered smell of blood and the pain of his neck being bitten that his mind calls up, and forces his mind to drift to the present. Sid tackles Nancy, and they're squeaking as they batter each other with their paws playfully. Rex swoops up away from the Diictodons, and glides to Abby's shoulder, folding his wings and cheeping, pressing his head against the back of Abby's. Connor floats forwards around her, to Jess' side, and is warmed by the sight of Abby's smile at Rex's actions. Jess grins.

"He's really smart, isn't he?" She asks, pointing to the reptile. Abby chuckles, a little.

"For a prehistoric lizard, he's surprisingly intelligent. Rex is as smart as a modern domestic cat, I think." Abby scratches him under the chin, and Rex's eyes close in pleased happiness.

Connor's grinning at the antics of his pets, and the discussion of the_ Coelurosauravus,_ the melancholy of moments ago forgotten temporarily. But what Abby says next has him jerking his head up to stare at her.

"Can I come back to work tomorrow, Jess?"

"What?! Abby, what're ya thinkin'?" Connor exclaimed, futilely. Thankfully Jess, too, seemed unsure about Abby's request.

"I'm not sure..."

"Ask Lester. I'm ready to get back, I can't just sit around the flat, _thinking _all the time!"

Connor had to admit that it made sense... if Abby was busy she'd be able to deal better. And being around the creatures, besides Sid, Nancy, and Rex, would help. And it wasn't like he couldn't follow and make sure she was okay at the ARC...

"It's not too soon?"

"You guys can check up on me, yeah? And I promise I won't go out in the field 'till Lester gives the OK."

Jess's expression gave the impression that she very much doubted Abby would keep her promise. If any of the team was in danger in the field, Connor and Jess's experiences told them Abby would be out there faster than you can say 'anomaly research center' - permission or not.

"Please, Jess." The field coordinator hesitated, and then sighed, nodding.

"I'll ask Lester when I go back." Jess told her, squeaking in surprise when Abby suddenly hugged her tightly. Two hugs in one day from someone who wasn't a hugg-y kind of person?

Connor didn't need to breathe, but taking a steadying breath still helped. Abby'd be okay. And he'd be on hand if anything happened.

_I don't care how dangerous it is for me, I'll become corporeal if Abby's in danger._

* * *

_TBC_


End file.
